Emotions are an important part of just being human. We are emotional human beings. Emotions are simply a class of feelings. They are what usually trigger our reactionary responses. How each of us "feels" about something is important to us. How other people feel should also be important to us.
An emotion includes both a mental and physiological state associated with a wide variety of feelings, thoughts and behavior, which are experienced from an individual point of view. We can associate emotion with mood, a person’s temperament, personality, and their disposition. Our emotions can be wonderful and this is what we all strive for, but they can also cause havoc in our lives.
Trying to get another person to stop doing or saying something is just an impossible endeavor. Even if you had the emotional and physical strength to do so, in the efforts you are giving attention to something that is completely not what your true desire is all about. And this only gets you more out of balance. Your true desire is to feel accepted and to feel good.
For example, a situation that may present and how to handle it: Your child is in school and they know a person who seems to be purposely ruining their life. That is what it feels like to them. The person, they act like they are still their friend when they talk to them alone, but then behind their back, they hear that the person says things that your child did not say just to get them into trouble with the other kids. The worst part is they cannot even defend themselves because they are not there when they do this behind their back.
Instead of asking others to change their behavior, your POWER is in the reaction you give to their behavior. Your reactivity is important and we need to be more proactive vs. reactive. This often seems easier said than done.
If your happiness is dependent on changes that others make, then you will never be happy. There will always be a need for other people to make changes to please you as a person. If you are a parent or an adult working with children… if you see yourself as the instrument of change, your child will change too; the people around you will change too.
Objective: To find relief for the unpleasant situations as they present.
What can we do to feel better and feel more in alignment of who we are?
Do the following for yourself and help your children do the same.
- Focus on your strengths. Help your child focus on their strengths. Notice them and tell them what you notice every day. List them. Get in touch with who you really are as a person; remember the “good” and “just” person you want to be. Help your child do the same.
- Change your thoughts; help your child change their thoughts. Change your thoughts to focus on the most positive aspects in your life and of your peers and your children. But when you are angry about what has been said and you feel defensive, well, you are attracting more bad vibes. Thinking about the above example at school… it will not be easy for peers to determine if your child created a reason for the rumor or they are just angry about it.
- When you change your thoughts to focus on the positive aspects in your life and in your peers (This will take some practice every day.), in time no one would believe or think that the negative rumor had any truth in it about your child.
- Practice your new thoughts: (Some ideas)
- It is nice to have really good friends.
- My kids are loving and terrific; I am so proud of them.
- Everyone has good days and bad days.
- I want my friend to feel better and not feel angry.
- I want my child to feel better and good about whom they are.
- I like knowing that good days are more happen more often.
- I like knowing that I can control how I feel by controlling how I think. (My thoughts.)
- It is all right that I cannot control how others think and feel.
- Life is good!
Energy is one of the most fundamental parts of our universe. Everything we do is connected to energy in one form or another. It is defined as: "the ability to do work."
According to the laws of physics, we are all made up of energy and we put forth energy. What we think about (Since thoughts are also energy and take our energy) we bring about. If we focus on positive behavior we bring about more positive behaviors. If we think a lot about the negative behavior, we bring about more of that too.
Continue creating and thinking the positive thoughts and in time you will turn your life around. Try this; it works!
Thought …”We can’t control the wind, but we can adjust our sails.”
Many ideas taken from The Astonishing Power of Our Emotions. Let your feelings be your guide. By Esther and Jerry Hicks.
-- Susan Stern, LCSW is the founder of The Social Skills Place, Inc.